Deeper Read online

  Deeper

  Blue Ashcroft

  Prologue

  He meets my eyes across low burning ashes, the first guy to take my breath away since William died.

  It’s the first bonfire before the new season, and I don’t know anyone. I’m just here to get a feel for staff I’ll soon be managing, so I should definitely not be checking out an employee.

  But his eyes burn hotter than the embers between us and maybe it’s just the warm night air or the sea breeze but I’m hot and cold all at once. I don’t want to look away, but if I don’t, there will be consequences. I’d be breaking my own rules, and I’m a rules kind of girl. But for once I’d like to break them. Just a little.

  I get up to clear my head and cool off in the waves. I’m tired of sitting on my own, listening to the endless teen conversations that I outgrew last summer. Now I think of deeper things, like how far the ocean goes, and whether stars are alive, and if William is out there somewhere, watching me. Did he see me check out a boy with blue green eyes like a Caribbean sea and thick dark hair made for gripping in passionate moments? Did he see me ponder betrayal?

  But ponder it is all I’ll do. I made a vow last summer, and I’ll keep it no matter how many cool dips in the ocean it takes.

  I plunge under and come smoothly up on the other side of the wave’s crest. The night air is suddenly colder against my wet skin. I flip my hair back and a shower of water droplets catches the moonlight. Homemade rain, cooling me, waking me, bringing me to life. I’m always alive in the water.

  Unlike William.

  I tell myself to shake it off. Promise to go another day without mentioning his name in my mind, but it’s unlikely. The last few months I’ve done better. But starting work at a new park in a new state, it brings it all back. That electric feeling of meeting so many new people, knowing you’ll all be a team together, watching the different relationships form in the tight knit water park setting. When training starts tomorrow, the drills, the waterslides, the pools and the just-plain-fun-ness of it all will bring everything back.

  I just hope to do my job well and keep everyone alive this summer. I wish I had the confidence of the boss who recommended me here. He told my new employers that I’m freakishly good at my job, because of my unnatural calm during traumatic or escalated situations. But I’m not just going to be the one reacting well to trauma. Not here. I’m going to do things differently here. I’m going to prevent things, I’m going to keep not only the patrons safe, but my guards too. I’ll redeem myself.

  An image of the guy across the campfire pops up in my mind again, his tall body and tan shoulders reflecting the low firelight, several girls on each side of him. Will I be able to keep him in line? Something about him tells me that’s impossible, but I’ll do whatever it takes.

  I won’t lose one again.

  I take a deep breath and float face down in the water, pulling my legs up to grasp them with my arms. I rise and fall with the swells like a jelly fish, testing how long I can hold my breath. It’s so silent here, and I feel cradled by ocean, can hear it whispering along the sea floor as I count the seconds. I’m at forty-five when some idiot jerks me up, holding both of my arms in a vice grip. I come up flailing, angry, and a little scared that someone has followed me into the water. I don’t know any of these people. How dare—

  My mind halts as the man holding me fills my vision. Blue eyes taking on a cobalt hue in the dark waves, full, carved lips changing smoothly from anger to surprise, then amusement. I kick out towards his shin and he releases me. I tread water smoothly, putting distance between us. He starts to close it, his head tilted, as if it’s novel for a girl to be moving away from him. I shake my head at him and continue to move back. It’s not that I think he’s going to hurt me, it’s just that he’s too much temptation for someone with a celibacy vow. He stops moving, looks back at the beach, then back at me. Then he smiles and ducks under the water.

  Oh no. It’s dark and I can’t see his form in the low visibility water. I feel something grab me around the legs and lift me in the air and toss me into the waves. Flying and then softly crashing into cold water. It’s exhilarating, and a year ago I would have been laughing and swimming towards him to splash in his face and put my hands on his shoulders in a mock attempt to push him underwater that is really only meant to feel his strong naked shoulders and put my body near his. It’s lifeguard flirting, something we all do because we’re so comfortable in the water that it’s natural to play there together.

  So yeah, I would have loved it a year ago. Now I’m just pissed. I give him a long glare and look behind me to time a wave so I can bodysurf it back to the dark beach where dozens of people are trickling away to their cars in the dying firelight.

  Wonder boy surfs in behind me, and walks out of the waves like James bond, shaking water from his hair, smiling at me. Waves crash around him and just add to the general feeling of chaos he exudes. I turn away but stop walking. He’s going to follow me anyway so I might as well stay here in the cool water.

  He probably doesn’t realize I could be a his supervisor. I’m younger than him by at least a couple of years, and much shorter, and probably look innocent. It’s something I’m told. You’re so innocent, Rain. Aw, sweetie, wait till life hits you in the butt for real. I hate it. I wish I could send them a tape of my life. Then they’d shut up.

  A rough hand grabs mine and I turn and face the boy and the ocean. Studying him closer in the moonlight he’s definitely more man than boy. Early twenties. Maybe six foot three. Deeply tanned. I can see the edges of a back tattoo curling around his hips. It draws attention to a deep ken doll line on each side. I move upwards, over the cut eight pack that is standard with swimmers, over the chest that tells me he can do any stroke and probably swims medley, and up to his face again.

  He could have walked off an ad, all dark hair and tanned skin and sharp straight features and clear, striking blue eyes. A cleft in his chin and a dimple on the right side of his mouth keep him from looking generic. I study him like I study all guys. Off limits creatures that I can admire but nothing else. He doesn’t let go of my hand and I don’t make him because I don’t want to. He pulls me back in the water.

  “Let’s talk in here. The air’s cold,” he says softly. “Although the water is too. I thought you were crazy when you headed out here alone.”

  “The water where I’m from is much colder.” I pull my hand away so that I can balance as we go back into the ocean.

  “I thought I hadn’t seen you before. Where are you from?”

  “Montana.”

  “Isn’t there snow there?” He moves through the waves with an easy bounce over each crest. I have to jump and hold my breath to go over them.

  “In the winter. But in the spring you don’t swim in lakes. Only Summer.”

  “Makes sense.” He stops out at the calm part of the water, reaches a hand out to me, but I decline it. I’m a lifeguard. A head lifeguard, and if he thinks I’m going to fall for the superhero act he probably lays out for most women he’s wrong. I know the water like I know air. I can’t be hurt here, and I can’t be saved here either.

  “So what’s your name?” he asks.

  “What’s yours?” I don’t want him to know I’m a supervisor yet. It’s fun being here in the water with him, just us under the moonlight. Just two strangers enjoying the waves and night air. I don’t want to see his eyes change when he realizes I’m off limits. Right now he’s probably just being friendly because he still thinks he has a chance with me, and I don’t want to risk disappointing him and ruining the moment.

  “You first.”

  “You first.”

  “Right, maybe we can just forget names?” He comes close with one swift stroke. He’s the type that knows not to muscle his way t
hrough the water. He works with it, glides through it, like I do. I recognize him as an equal, and it just makes him more attractive.

  “Right. Let’s forget names,” I say.

  He’s close now, bites his lower lip and studies my face. “You’re gorgeous. I’ve been watching you all night.”

  “I know.”

  He looms over. Even with most of both of our bodies submerged in the water he’s impossibly larger than me, all wide shoulders and swimmer biceps. I’ve always loved swimmer bodies. Especially when they are tall, and cut, and…

  “What color is your hair? It’s so interesting.” He takes a piece in his hand. His moves, from the lip bite to the hair grab, are unbelievably cheesy, but he has the personality to work it and the looks to get away with it. With any other girl. With any girl who can say yes.

  I reach up and pull my hair away, brushing his hands with mine as I do. A small forbidden touch. Enough to make the water heat a degree or two, enough to make his eyes darken.

  If he’s like me, he’s at home in the water, and that makes it an easy place to be aroused. Still, after I pull my hair back, he backs up a little. “I’m sorry I came on strong. I just thought you were interesting.”

  “I see.”

  He glances at the bonfire and then back at me. “So you’re a guard this summer?”

  I shake my head.

  “Oh, good. I was hoping you were a front desk worker.”

  “Why?”

  “Because then we can do this.” He swims swiftly up and presses his lips to mine. I’m shocked, still holding my breath, as his hands circle my back.

  I’d forgotten how good it felt to kiss in the water. His hands slide over my body and mine slide over his just as easily. I shouldn’t be touching, shouldn’t be kissing, but I’m caught in the moment and now that I’ve already messed up I’ll enjoy it. The contrast of the warmth of his mouth and the cold sea spray, the way my body moves against his with the waves, the salty taste of his tongue and the tears he can’t see on my face that popped up the moment he put his mouth to mine. My first kiss in a year. It feels right but so wrong at the same time. His lips are cold but his mouth is warm and his breath is hot against mine. His hands are strong and rough, creating tingles where they grace my body as we rise and fall with the long swells.

  I know I should break away, but for one more moment I hold my mouth to his and let his tongue explore me. My body is on fire and the ocean can’t put it out. He’s the first to break away, breathless and surprised. He looks from my eyes to my mouth, and is asking me silently if he can do it again. I shake my head.

  Just a kiss, I think, moving away from him to the shore. Just one. Everyone slips up here and there. I haven’t slipped up in a year. I don’t even know what happened. I’ve never met anyone like him. Not even before the incident. It isn’t fair to meet him now, when I can’t do anything about it. When I shouldn’t have done anything about it. I bring my hand up to touch my lips and remember the sensation of a moment ago while simultaneously shaming myself over it. Life has been confusing lately.

  He catches my hand just as my feet hit wet sand, out of the ocean completely. His face is just as handsome when it’s intense and confused as it is when he’s about to seduce me.

  “I’m sorry if I did something wrong,” he says, letting go of me once I face him. He must be used to turning people around, to pushing them to do what he wants. I’m not sure I’m comfortable with it.

  “It’s okay.” I take a step backwards, then another.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow, then?”

  “Tomorrow?”

  “Orientation. We do it with the front desk workers. I knew it from the second I saw you. The front desk workers are always hot.”

  I feel a little guilty for letting him think I’m a front desk worker. Maybe I should tell him now.

  “You’re great in the water though. You could teach, or guard if you wanted. I can talk to someone for you.”

  “No, thanks.” I smile at the thought of a basic guard coming to talk to me or my boss about hiring me. Maybe I should let him find out tomorrow.

  “Will you at least tell me your name?”

  “Rain,” I say, waiting for the inevitable.

  “Seriously?” His eyes widen. “Are you kidding me?”

  “Yes, it’s my name. No, I’m not kidding you.” I’m used to people being surprised by my name, but I’m not used to this strong of a reaction. “It’s not that weird a name.”

  He glares at me, then shakes his head. “That’s not the problem.” His mouth twists in anger and he passes me, suddenly in a rush to get out of the waves. He spits on the sand and shakes his head like he is trying to wipe away our kiss. What the hell?

  “What is wrong with you?”

  “You said you weren’t a guard.”

  “I’m a supervisor.”

  “Can’t freaking believe this,” he mutters. He shakes his hair with his hands and stomps to his stuff at the bonfire.

  I should be glad he’s going to leave me alone, but I have a weird sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that my trouble with him is only beginning. I stare after him as he pulls together his stuff. When he’s finished, he comes over and plants a finger at the base of my neck, pushing me back with a soft poke.

  “I’ll tell you right now. I didn’t want you hired and I don’t need you here messing things up. You’re way too young to supervise and you’re only going to get in my way. This is my pool, get it?”

  Oh, now it makes sense. He’s the big dog and he wants to make sure I know he’s in charge. I was told we’d have another supervisor over guarding, plus two over swim lessons, and one over customer relations. This must be the other one over guarding. The manager warned me I was the youngest supervisor they’d ever had at 19, but I hadn’t extrapolated that to the other sups doubting me.

  I bend to look for my stuff, not wanting to be left on the beach alone at night. He’s probably going to stomp off and leave me in the dark. I hear hisses from the embers as he kicks sand over the fire to kill it. Sure enough, he’ll leave. I should have brought a flashlight.

  I shove everything into my beach bag and look up to see he’s waiting at the beach entrance with folded arms. He looks older now, angry and distant. I guess he’s safer that way. I follow him out to the parking lot and when we get to the point where we should split, he surprises me by walking me to my car. He scowls the whole way, and I have to wonder about a guy who’s so chivalrous but so bitter about it.

  “What the hell? Rain just had to be—” He’s muttering under his breath and I don’t know if he’s hoping I can hear or not. He probably thinks he’s delivering a death blow with his obvious disdain, but he doesn’t realize he can’t hurt me by pulling away.

  He’d have hurt me if he kept coming. Because I would have wanted him and he would have wanted me, and I would have had to turn him down eventually. And that would have hurt.

  Hopefully once he gets over my position, we can be friends. I could use a new friend out here. The second I’m in my car, he turns and jogs away, shaking his head. Maybe not friends for a while then.

  Chapter One

  Needless to say, orientation the next day is a little awkward.

  His name is Knight. Not night, but Knight. I almost laughed when he introduced himself to the staff. He has no right to say anything about my name. I managed not to laugh because everyone else was dead silent while he was talking.

  They respect him, and it’s clear I have a lot to live up to. He leans on the table at the front of the room in the navy polo reserved for supervisors and dark denim jeans. All of his clothing seems made for him, like he’s a mannequin in a store window.

  He’s even better looking in the daylight. He’s opening orientation, all business, his sharp face stern and commanding, and he’s just so hot. Tall and broad shouldered, with long powerful legs built on years of swimming.

  “Oh, Knight,” Amy, says with a sigh. “Even for a gay girl he’s dreamy.” S
he’s my first new friend, a loud, pretty brunette with curves and a tan and winking brown eyes and a punk aesthetic. She attached herself to my side from the moment I entered, and though I disappointed her by being straight, she forgave me quickly.

  “Really?” I whisper, trying not to draw Knight’s attention.

  “Maybe I’m bi.” She shrugs and continues to watch Knight. Knight clears his throat in our direction, and I blush as the guards turn to me. So embarrassing to be chastised by your own coworker.

  Dave waves me up when Knight finishes his intro. “This is Rain,” he announces.

  Low muttering throughout the room tells me that even with another guard named Knight, they are going to have a hard time with my name. I make a note to ask Knight how he came by his.

  My parents are from Texas, and they say I was as welcome as summer rain.

  “She’s here all the way from Montana.” More murmuring, but Dave goes on. “We’re lucky to have her. She has water park experience, and since this season we’ve added slides and a play structure to our facility, she’s going to be able to give valuable guidance that we weren’t able to find in any other candidates.”

  I suppose most of the people at water parks in So-Cal probably aren’t rushing to an obscure, inner city, indoor park. A random girl from Montana who killed someone on a waterslide will have to do.

  “I’ll let her introduce herself.”

  Then he leaves me at the front. So silent you can almost hear crickets chirping. My eyes find Knight and he smiles at me complacently. He folds his arms and tilts his head. He’s waiting for me to slip up, waiting for an excuse to get me fired. I’m good enough to molest in the water but not good enough to be his equal. His eyes are a light teal in the fluorescent indoor light, and they burn like blue flames from under his dark, long lashes. I swallow.

  Dave clears his throat. Knight grins and I realize I’ve made a stellar impression by standing here like an idiot and drooling over my coworker in front of everyone. I lean against the table behind me, like Knight did, and cross my legs. The best way to feel calm is to act calm.